Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
