I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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