i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
