My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
