I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
