I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
