actually, I'm a sock model
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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