I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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