You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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