I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
