My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize