Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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