I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
