If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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