i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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