didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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