So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
