And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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