you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
