His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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