DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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