I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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