Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize