I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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