I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
