She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
