He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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