it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How external is "for external use only"?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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