Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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