just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize