Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
