I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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