In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
