Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
