Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
A bitchslap is in order.
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