Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
