On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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