90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
