I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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