You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
