ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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