hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
