Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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