im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
