waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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