I skipped work to stalk him.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
