I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
