i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You pole danced in your parka.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
