she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
