90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
