I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize