So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
that may or may not have been my penis.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
