I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
