you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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