I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize