Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize