I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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