just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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