New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
