Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
