Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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