I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm bleeding and have questions
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
