were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize