Ambien. No doubt about it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize