I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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