Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the day after is always just damage control
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
