No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize