if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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