I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
