Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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