My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
