the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
