Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
