remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
