i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
