My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
