i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
