We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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