I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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