Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
