Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Randomize
