I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
