party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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