My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
