So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
