Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize