If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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