Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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