Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
