Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
