i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He shit in the fireplace
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
