Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
