oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
