fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
