I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize