We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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