I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
