I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
