I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
