I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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