sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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