She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize