peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
