I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize