u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
