Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
