i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
