Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
