so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
